She said her name was "party"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
