If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
