Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
