i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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