don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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