Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
