You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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