put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
