my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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