Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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