do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
