WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
