Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Damn victory sex feels great
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
