if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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