Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
