As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
