it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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