It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
