i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
