I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
