i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
