She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
