I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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