i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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