Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
