Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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