when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
