why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
