I cannot find my penis.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
