Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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