he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
