Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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