I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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