Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
