there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
