Your mouth is God's brothel.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
