Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
