Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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