ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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