Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
