Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
