I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize