Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
