i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
