no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
