I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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