Whod you bang
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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