I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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