I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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