One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
