Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
