Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
