roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
