There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You made out with two different species that night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
