today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
