This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will be naked everywhere
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
