The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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