My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
