She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just found a bag of teeth...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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