Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
