we made out on top of his cat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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