in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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