It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You can't motorboat a personality
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
