She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
