How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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