watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
