Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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