I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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