totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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