Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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