im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
