i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
