Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
