went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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