I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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