it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
