I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
