I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
