I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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