he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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