and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
