im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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