im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
