Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
