I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
