Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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