Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
