The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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